Archive for May, 2008

Self-Control via 1983

Posted in Uncategorized on May 30, 2008 by polarbearface

This is only as real as you want it to be.

The fun thing about riding around in planes, is that it gets you closer to heaven. But it doesn’t have to be all that bad. In fact, there is a bucket load of new safety technology coming out these days that absolutely profess new and interesting trajectories in flying transportation. But aside from all of that business, can I just say that I think science is just amazing!

True dat!

There is a lot of talk about the housing market these days. And I completely understand what it’s like to live in a place that is just, downright, miserable. Plenty of people are just, fuggin givin up these days. And really, who can blame them? Renting is in, buying is out. Except in places like, Houston. But we all know that Houston is going to be eaten alive when cars come to life.


Which will happen.

I used to live in Houston, and believe it to be one of the strangest cities to live in. Strictly speaking, I would not wish to die there. That would be a bizarre circus of hell that I would prefer to not put up with. But dying itself is an interesting concept. Lots of people do it. I wonder if the afterlife will be anything like this:

Because if it is. I want to not do the dying.

Man...not again...

Sad times, indeed…

Why the hell are superheros not allowed to drink? Like that one scene from Superman III, where Superman goes into a pub for some reason who cares that his business, and has a Jameson on the rox, dumps the peanuts bowl over shoots up the liquor shelf like it’s Lex Luther’s face and then kicks his own ass. So what? Everyone’s got that, dark side. But I mean, this is old news, this happens to everyone at one point or another:


And unfortunately, this happened to me the other night. And it was, really bad. But then I kicked my own ass, and thusly, renewed my wholesome spirit.


PS: I actually found the video online, but when I reloaded the page, it had been removed. LAME.


Thunder Gods, lighten up?

Posted in Uncategorized on May 15, 2008 by polarbearface

Well, I guess this means we’ll take the bus.

I’ve never really understood what it meant to be a victim, as the actual word itself seems like a never-ending type cast character out some television show that’s been on since the beginning of time. And I suppose I should have acted a bit more affright than I did. But the events last night, are more like the comical misunderstandings of this guy. It’s comical only because it was JUST my equipment that was molested. All other equipment was left alone, and in pristine condition.

So, many of you might be wondering just what went on last night. Seeing how Austin, TX is the brightest center of the Universe Proper, it would be hard to not know what happened.

My preciousss….

Above are my two children, Murphy and Le Freque. Both were raped by the Thunder Gods last night, and if you look close, you can see a bit of leaf on Freqs. He was scared, both of them, utterly terrified of what happened. Their friends, Mixie, and DeLaydre, were equally terrified. Unfortunately, Mixie, got the worst of it all. Below is THE ONLY WINDOW that was blown out by hail, and also a perfect example of why screens are important — and more importantly, why landlords should have screens on all windows prior to move in.

The kids are drying out now. Face down on the carpet. If they cease to work properly by later today then I will let all of you know. But, probably not until my tears have dried up. Well, as I always used to say…these things, happen

I suppose more importantly, if they do end up working perfectly, then they were not raped nor molested — they were instead, lovingly blessed by the Mother Goddess of the Skies; she has sanctified my gear.

… on many levels, I feel honored this very moment…

“Mm.meh.fhdfkj mother bitches jdfkdj ass djfdjk 39*@#*& shit!!!”

Although it’s probably old news by now, I just wanted to add that my favorite author, Vladimir Nabokov, through miracles of modern medical science — CAME BACK TO LIFE.

“His cell regeneration was probably the most difficult procedure, but we’re all very happy that he came out of cellular modulator pod quite unscathed by the electrofunkullator process. Unfortunately, he was not very happy and decided to condescend to us for about 45 minutes before nurses subdued him.” Reported head scientist Rick Stickleson of American Regenerative Labs, Inc.

The process was used in order to have Mr. Nabokov finish his last novel, “Laura“.

Kill-a-Thon 2008

Posted in Ennui on May 7, 2008 by polarbearface

Killing your friends has never been this much fun!

Do you remember when things were easy, and your good friend would maybe play a trick on you and tie your shoes together? And you’d fall over, and say something like, “Oh Dennis, you silly string bean!” That was fun right?

Well good. As long as you can remember them.

These days all of our cymbal-crashing personalities have created a splendidly visually violent society of madscientistartists (like myself and anyone who reads this weird thing), and I must say most, of us have “evolved” methods of saying hello to one another. Below is an excerpt of how my friend Zach and I communicate on pretty much, a daily basis. For posterity, I titled it, because Zach would have not wanted that and I would have don’t you see that’s how our genius flows!

Until Death Do you .. Die

by Zach Muhn and Anthony Muñoz

Zach: i am looking forward to beating the shit out of you

1:02 PM me: dude, he’s coming and we’re going to kill him!
oh shit, wrong windwo
1:03 PM Zach: anthony munoz is a dead man
RIGHT window
1:04 PM me: you are on the path to pure destruction…
1:05 PM Zach: if pain was a verb, i would be verbing you with it
1:06 PM me: if pain was my fist on your neck, you would be dead man walking.
Zach: if necks could be broken, i would break yours. Oh wait, they can. Prepare for death.
1:07 PM me: Have you heard of Elliott Smith? Good. You will be meeting him tomorrow night.
Prepare for Death!
Zach: hey are you a big fan of Metalocalypse? Also, i am going to murder you.
1:08 PM me: Oh great! I love that band, you will be dead as soon as you step onto my lawn.
1:09 PM Zach: oh man, its gonna be so great hanging out with you(r dead body that i will have killed).
me: I can’t wait to see by best friend (who shall be ground into dust by my murderous habits of the dark night)
1:13 PM Zach: man, its gonna be awesome to make music (by stepping on your corpse which willmake dead sounds)
1:14 PM me: yeah, i can’t wait to bury you in the back yard (I will bury you in the backyard after I murder you).
Zach: hahaha
1:15 PM okay, seriously though, it will be great to see you stabbed.

10 o’clock, 2 o’clock, 10 o’clock, 2 o’clock

1:18 PM me: Dude, what are we doing? This is crazy, I want to see you and kill your face off.
Simple as that.
1:22 PM Zach: man, i don’t mean any of this, except the part about wanting you dead, so dead that you are unable to live, dead and buried forever.
1:23 PM me: man, that’s cool, i totally understand that you’re murderous bastard who will do anything to kill off his friends, only to again realize that he is himself insane, driven by his own desire to kill his father. which of course, means i really care about you, being dead.
1:24 PM Zach: thats a sweet thing for a friend to say, particularly to the guy thats going to kill him with a gun.
1:25 PM me: you know, a funny thing: i actually am going to come back when i’m dead, IF YOU KILL ME, and rape your life until you go insane and kill yourself with a selfmade killing robot.
so, in the end, i win. you fail.
like always..
1:26 PM Zach: well, if that were to happen, you know that it would be infact only a version of a story i was writing, so in real life i win and YOU FAIL forever and ever, die deadman die.
1:27 PM me: You see, again, we reach this arena of confusion, you’re. Already, dead, Zach Muhn, you’re a dead man walking.
Zach: whats that anthony munoz? i cant hear you because DEAD MAN TELL NO TALES. and you are the dead man in that word equation.
1:29 PM me: well done. for a dead person, zach. when are you going to wake up and realize that you’ve been dead for these last few years? dead! You died! I know, I was there, I watched you die! Yet, you continue to come back, again, and again — haunting the very man that killed you!
Mark my words, Muhn, no more! Nay, no more!
1:30 PM Zach: you know what anthony? if im dead, then that means you are very dead, because my only wish to the True God was that anything that happened to me would happen thrice as much to you. So, welcome to tripledead.
1:33 PM me: Being tripledead, meant that he was living a life full of bad memories and ancient visions…it was a thing of the past for Anthony…who since lurked in the shadows, plagued by his own thwarted schemes, his own destiny — he was rought with paranoid dreams of death, betrayal and worse, having realized that his best friend, Zach, was still at the bottom of the ocean, where his decaying body has been for over 10 years…. Anthony was in a sense, dead, but not as dead as Zach…his only friend…
1:34 PM who is in the medical and clinical sense, dead.
1:37 PM Zach: zach played the recording again, the one where anthony’s “zach is dead” fantasy came to fruition. He stopped the recording and realized that it had been over 10 years since he had killed anthony. And in those 10 years, he never doubted once that it was right to kill him.
1:42 PM me: Finally, the last page in the script. The producers at Simon and Gargenfield Inc., loved the script. Where 2 best friends committ murderous vows to each other, and where eventually, one friend dies of cancer. It was a beautiful script, and the producers loved it, wanted to make a film out of it — wanted to give me the hard cash for making their day with such incredible ideas and new directions. Only they would never know. They would never know, that Zach was in fact, dead. Buried under the steps at an old cemetary in some town I’ll never return to… I miss Zach… but it’s, better…this way…

7 minutes
1:49 PM Zach: and that’s how zach‘s blog ended, with the words”its better this way.” zach knew that noone could really believe that the story had actually ended up the opposite way, with anthony very dead and buried in a post office somewhere in Montana. But, the interent is a big place, and there are a lot of dead anthonys. Zach, however, only remembers the one anthony…the one that he killed.
1:52 PM me: ……odd…a new revision… “Clarice! Get me Anthony on the phone now! I love this new revision!”
1:53 PM Zach: Zach:”ahhh, youtube. where anything can happen, except only the one thing did – i killed anthony and filmed a fantastical twist story where it looks like I didnt sometimes! I love dead anthony.”

6 minutes
1:59 PM me: It was at this point that I realized, this could no longer go on…the Zach Muhn memories, the twists, the lies, all of it — inside my head, forever haunting me since that fateful night in Montana…did I die, did he die? Who died? What died? What was reborn? So many questions, confusion after confusion…. I fear, I may end it all… And if I did, I could kill the voice, in my head, I could kill Zach Muhn, once and for all!
2:01 PM Zach: and thus Zach Muh the God-child did smile on his flock, and regretted only one thing: killing anthony, the creator of such fantastical zach-death stories.
2:02 PM me: They say that if you kill a man, you kill his every action, all of what he can and will be… when Zach shot Anthony that night, he forgot one thing… To kill him…
2:05 PM Zach: anthony is dead. sprry everyone, my play only ends this way.

5 minutes
2:11 PM me: Ironic slow clapping… Excellent work, Zach. Excellent work indeed.